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‘Peter Kay Live At The Manchester Arena’ is out to own on DVD from 14th November 2005.’
Peter Kay. All Rights Reserved.
Universal Pictures announces the release of PETER KAY LIVE AT THE MANCHESTER ARENA, out to own on DVD from 14th November 2005.

Peter Kay is back as he returns with this DVD, featuring his final performance at the Manchester Arena to a 9,000 sell out crowd on the ‘Mum Wants A Bungalow Tour’. Also included on the DVD is a previously unseen and exclusive 47-minute documentary - ‘One hundred and eighty – The Tour Documentary’, a hilarious fly on the wall look at life backstage for Peter Kay as he travels around the UK on his jam-packed stand-up tour.

Furthermore, the DVD incorporates the chart topping video and the biggest selling number one of 2005 - Road to Amarillo, along with an exclusive version of Amarillo and the hilarious making of the featurette, and the original video of ‘Amarillo’, where the infamous Ronnie Corbett fall can be seen!

Star of Max and Paddy’s Road to Nowhere and Phoenix Nights, Peter Kay’s brand of hilarious observational humour has taken the UK by storm. Peter is at his best recreating in vivid detail the events of his family life, generating vivid pictures from a childhood the audience didn't realise they shared. Although he makes pokes fun at the world, he also celebrates with the audience the simple pleasures that trigger warm memories.

Raucous laughs of recognition and familiarity are shared when he regales stories of recording the pop charts on a cassette player without recording the DJ speaking, putting the big light on and why on Bullseye, Bully’s special prize would always be a speedboat. As he points out, ‘What use is a speedboat in Tamworth?’.

His rise from obscurity to household name has been astronomic with a string of sell out tours and huge selling DVD’s – Live at the Bolton Albert Halls being the best selling stand up title of all time. Peter Kay Live At The Manchester Arena on DVD is the perfect Christmas gift for all comedy fans this year.

Release date: 14th November 2005    
Credit: Universal Pictures UK    
Certificate: 15     
Genre: Comedy     
RRP: DVD: £21.99    
Catalogue number: 8238025    
Running Time: Feature 47mins 
DVD Extras 58mins    
Subtitles: English    
Languages Options: N/a    
Aspect Ratio: 16:9 FHA    

DVD Special Features / Extras: 
·1 One Hundred & Eighty - The Tour Documentary
·2 Amarillo comic relief video 
·3 Amarillo - exclusive version
·4 Jim’ll Fix It Reprise 
·5 Road To Amarillo Original version   

Peter Kayisms

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?

My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.

I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.

I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. 

A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.

Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way. 

My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.

Sex is like bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' looking over I said 'Nah, Six should be enough."

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living.

I was the kid next-door's imaginary friend.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.

Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

 If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?

 Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your back side.

Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'?

 Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

 Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date?

 Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

 Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

 Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?

 What do people in China call their good plates?

 Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom?

 Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

 If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

 Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint  somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out of the window?


Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

At the end of every party there is always a girl crying. 

One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger. 

You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps. 

Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator. 

Reading when you're drunk is horrible. 

Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly. 

You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden. 

Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl. 

You never know where to look when eating a banana. 

It’s impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat. 

Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly. 

Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball. 

You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses. 

Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school. 

The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad. 

The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity. 

Some days you see lots of people on crutches. 

Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush. 

Old women with mobile phones look wrong. 

It’s impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee. 

Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited. 

You never ever run out of salt. 

Old ladies can eat more than you think. 

You can't respect a man who carries a dog. 

There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something. 

No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers. 

Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had his or her arm broken by a swan. 

The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug. 

People who don't drive slam car doors too hard. 

You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with. 

Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose. 

Bricks are horrible to carry. 

In every plate of chips there is a bad chip. 

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? 


A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" They asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

So I said, "Do you want a game of Darts?” he said "OK then", I said "Nearest to bull starts". He said, "Baa", I said, "Moo", he said, "You're closest".

You see I'm against hunting; in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up; I said, "Did you get my drift?”

So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?" I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".

So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said, "How flexible are you?” I said, "I can't make Tuesdays".

But I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Wedgie Kray.

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says, "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

But I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite......... one jar.

So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?” I thought, "That's all I need, a Je-oover's witness".

You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes; he's a catholic converter.

So I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller", he said "Not you again".

So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

He said, "You remind me of a pepper-pot", I said "I'll take that as a condiment".

Now did you know all male tennis players are witches, for example Goran, even he's a witch.

And I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.

So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said, "Are you two an item?”

So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins, I thought, "That's a turtle disaster".

Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"

A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A seal walks into a club...

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
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